You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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