some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
