i already hear my dad disowning me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
