Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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