We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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