My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
