haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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