Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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