You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
