Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
