sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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