my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
