Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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