I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
