the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize