I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
