The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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