if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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