I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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