We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
