i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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