ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
