I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
