Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
