she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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