There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
