I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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