He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
