They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
