i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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