it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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