Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
