every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Of course I have a pirate flag
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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