Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
