Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
