Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
