Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
