I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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