I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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