I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We left the knife in your bed.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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