People with herpes should wear stickers.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We are two peas in an std pod
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
