Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
