for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
