That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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