My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize