Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
