I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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