When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
