We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
