my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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