Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
