Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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