sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
