My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
