I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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