My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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