White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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