New low: just hacked my moms facebook
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You took a bar mat shot.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize