where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
