Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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