mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
