my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
