i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize