i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
