Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
