My hand turned me down
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
