I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am midnight drunk by noon
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
