ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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