Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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