i just had sex bonerless
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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