Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
