your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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