Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
