can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
