awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
