The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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