If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
