my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
