my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
