well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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