Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
