I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
