Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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