Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
time to smoke my breakfast
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
