Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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