Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
