Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
