oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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