hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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