i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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