You're completely useless in the revolution.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This show inspires me to have sex in space
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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