I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
