He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
